cerw’s public place

    Well this one wont be the usually blog entry u know, hello me again bla bla.. this one is special, what happened, we are back in Perth WA, almost 2.5 months now, and normally i would say like, it's beautiful here and very friendly people, etc.. that all might be true, but I don't really care, as Kay made decision for  four of us and she decided that we need to separate, that's right the game is over! So yeah I am having fucking great time, we just moved into new house, the lease is for one year, but looks like I will be only person living here, and on odd week i get the babies, so single father! I don't really know how that will work out, double rent, double bills.. well we shall see the reality, i just hope it will help both of us. 

     I am really worry about our little boys, they are only 2 and this decision was made without them, by one person, and it's not fair for them at all, other thing is I am form bloody europe, I dont know how that will work, kay and me both agree that they need us both ( well i need her too , but that 's different story) it just brings so many worries to my head atm. I have not felt that bad in my life, maybe because I never had to go trough situation like this, i did not excpect it so soon. I am trying to be positive be strong, and I know I am not, how can i be? It's just me now and the boys, i dont really have anyone, and I think kay knows that she wants to show me what it was like for her in czech, but this lesson is too cruel. I dont really need anyone as long as I have my cervici family! 

      I dont really know what will happen in next following weeks, kay reckens she will move out in couple of weeks, days.. center link will help her heaps , Ozzie goverment give big support for single parents etc.. bit by making this official I am might be losing my Visa, great another think to worry about.

    I know that time will show the real values, whatever happens good or bad, right now I feel very sad very confused and the most lonely person in this state. I know to get some results out of it I need to move to different state of mind, be up again, not showing my weakness, not showing my broken heart,and yes I still do love her a lot, I have choosen her as my life partner, and still get along quite well, maybe that's why is so hard. I understand that once the other person does not feel for the other, it's not good, and it needs change, but it also needs heaps of work, no relationship will survive just because of pure love, ask you mom and dads  

    So here I am from climex to shitplace.. rejecting hurts, hurts 100x times more for Liam and Noah, and I just wont give up, I wont force it, that would not work, but I will be my self, that's all i can do. Thanks all my friends for support, thanks my family I love you.

    update: well we tread each other like best mates, and i know I my heart that one day i will win her heart, but it will take time and tolerance, she will by my princes for rest of life whatever happens.. 

 Petr